Turning 40

As I’m writing this I can’t believe I’m turning 40 today. Yes, the big forty. It’s 4-0.  I know, birthdays aren’t as exciting when you reach that certain age. I may have even lost track of my age at one point, I stopped counting. It’s just a number, right? Why would it matter? This year, I am compelled to take some time to reflect and think about what it means to be turning 40. It’s not just a number to me anymore. It’s a good point in life for me to think about what I really want to do with my life, how I’m going to spend the rest of this precious gift, a gift of life.

No matter what your dreams may be, we all seem to want the same thing, Happiness. Are you happy? I’m asking myself this question because I seek for my own happiness and for my family’s happiness but most of the time I can’t seem to find it. I think it’s because I’ve spent most of my life waiting for happiness to just happen or come to me. I realized that happiness is something you have to find and make out of. It will not come to you unless you open yourself up and find something that makes you happy and use whatever that is to make others happy. Happiness spreads like a virus. You don’t have to be afraid to spread this virus. ; )

I think I spent most of my childhood and “younger” years feeling content and happy in my own ways, but I’ve always struggled with doing what I feel I am passionate about vs. what I feel comfortable doing and that kept me in secured place. It was only recent that I started realizing what I want to do with my life.  I probably thought about this in my early twenties but I don’t think I really knew what it means to seek out for my own happiness. We think about what we want to do with our career, starting a family…etc. but do we actually have a vision about how to find happiness in our lives?

So what does this all mean? It means, if I want to be happier and want to make everyone else I care about happier, I need to prioritize in taking better care for myself. I really mean it. I’m talking about physically and emotionally as a woman in her forties. Does that mean going back to my pre-pregnancy weight (two pregnancies)? Yes. Ok, maybe just one pre-pregnancy away. Does that mean I’m going to eat healthier and exercise more often? Yes. Does this mean I’m going to invest my time in cultivating beauty both in and out? Yes. Does this mean I’m going to be seeking out for my children’s happiness to find their interest and help them along the way? Yes. And most importantly, what kind of wife am I going to be?  How am I going to construct our lives with my lifetime partner?  Am I going to really tune into his interest and his vision for himself and for our family? Yes and yes. All these things sounds so ideal and good but I think I let it just pass by me all the time. I get so caught up in my daily routines that sometimes I forget to see truly what is important to me and what makes me happy. 

This is a good time for me to start looking for that kind of happiness. So here is to my forties, as I'm calling it my new twenties. ; )

_Selina